Sometimes, I'm okay with murder...

I was in London for a few days where I was supposed to talk to strangers and ideally charm my way into employment (which failed because I both fear strangers and can only be charming in a stands-about-awkwardly-while-avoiding-eye-contact kind of way). While I was there, failing, I went to see some shows, including Sweeney Todd with Imelda Staunton as Mrs Lovett.

Since I have seen Imelda Staunton play both parts, I was trying to figure out why I can like Mrs Lovett and hate Dolores Umbridge when the former could arguably be seen as more heinous than the latter. Even when Mrs Lovett locks up poor Toby (a little kid who adores her) so that Sweeney can kill him and protect his secret, I still like her. I like Toby too and I don’t want him to die but I like her. Yet I’ve never forgiven Umbridge for calling Harry a liar. It’s not even that she forces him to scar his own hand (which is hideous), or how indifferent she is to other’s suffering that makes me hate her, it’s just her persistent denial of the truth. Her unfairness. And I know I’m not the only person who hated her far, far more than Voldemort. I like Sweeney Todd as a character even while he casually slits throats, singing wistfully about his daughter but I don’t like that bloke his daughter runs off with. I can’t like a man who sees a pretty girl locked up in a house and immediately decides to ‘steal’ her. How about just freeing her, you prick? It’s because he’s supposed to be the good guy that I have a problem. Sweeney Todd doesn’t think of himself as a good person, he thinks everyone is terrible. (‘We all deserve to die, even you, Mrs Lovett, even I…’)

I’ve been trying to work out what it is that makes a villain likeable. The older I get the more on the villain’s side I seem to be (though it has been a habit of mine since the 90s version of Gladiators. I loved Wolf as a child. I think I felt bad for him because of all the booing he got. That and he was Wolf. I fucking love wolves.) Re-watching Sleeping Beauty a couple of years ago I found myself adoring Maleficent. She’s fantastic. Every time she so much as arches an eyebrow, ominous music plays. How can anyone not respect that? People differ in tastes of course. I love Littlefinger in Game of Thrones while my flatmate can’t stand him. She sees him as smug, manipulative and evil. And he is. But I’m okay with that. He is a player in a power struggle, he had little born advantage so he has become grasping and immoral to get where he is. He badly screws over other characters that I adore but I still like him. I’m not entirely sure why but I think it’s because he is terrible, he knows that and he doesn’t care. In the TV show during his sexposition monologue he beautifully sums up his Machiavellian spirit; ‘I'm not going to fight them. I’m going to fuck them.’ (A line almost as memorable as the aggressive ‘Play with her ass’ in the same speech which has a very special place in my heart.)  I think on a personal level I respect characters who don’t care about morality.

When writing a story it is generally good advice to remember that to everyone’s own mind, they are in the right. We are at the centre of our own universes and morality is different to different people. But I find the characters who try to justify their actions to themselves and to the world pretty boring. I don’t want a sob story or grey areas. I want them willingly immoral. Knowing full well what they are doing is wrong but that it’s beneficial to them ergo worth doing. I don’t mean sadism. I’m not a fan of people getting off on others’ pain. I am however fine with characters who are entirely indifferent to suffering. Which I worry about. That’s not what I’m supposed to feel, is it? But then plenty of other people must be similar. Ultimately whether the public likes an evil character depends on their personality. If someone is charming and if they are pretty it is remarkably easy to forgive them. My favourite moment in The Dark Knight was the Joker slamming a man’s head into a pencil. I delight in it. It makes me smile. It’s quick and clever and gruesome. The casualness of it is fantastic. Which I admit is pretty sick. Andrew Scott’s Moriarty in the BBC’s recent series of Sherlock is insane and thinks he is better than everyone else. And I agree. He is better. Certainly better than me. I don’t look nearly as good in a crown. Hannibal Lecter is well loved  despite the whole killing a eating folks because he is charming and intelligent. That’s it. Sure he has a soft spot for Clarice but really we like him because he’s interesting.

There are plenty of terrible, terrible fictional characters that we adore simply because of their intelligence or confidence or humour or charm. I love my villains calm, self-aware and efficient. Add in some wit and a pretty face and I’ll fall in love with them. Which is pretty messed up.

The lesson? Morality is not very important when it comes to making likeable characters. It’s not a new thing, I know. When Thackeray’s Vanity Fair came out the reading public loved Becky Sharpe for the conniving, clever bitch she was. She never murdered anyone but let’s be honest, plenty of people would have forgiven her is she had.

Basically I’m starting to think if I was willing to kill people maybe I’d be charming enough to have a job by now.